Tuition for the kids needs to be paid. The insurance rates just reached nearly three hundred a month. Christmas shopping has now begun, just one more huge subtraction from my monthly check.
The hundred dollar per day rate, I admit, was tempting. After serious contemplation, I concluded that it simply was not enough compensation for the stress created by that particular line of work.
Last week a former colleague informed me that the local vocational school had increased its pay to one hundred and twenty dollars per day, thereby prompting me to give it further consideration. After one single day of contemplation, I had to admit that it simply was not enough money to expose myself to the terror of being a substitute teacher.
I would have to live without that supplement to my monthly pension, and it would allow me to keep the leisure time I currently enjoyed. Too much of that luxury I spend watching TV, mostly court settings and reruns of popular shows I watched in my younger days.
Some of those sitcoms featured episodes in which one of the regular characters undertook that job I am so reluctant to accept. Here are some of those characters who spent at least one episode as a substitute teacher.
Marge Simpson from The Simpsons
When the teachers strike over a new contract in an episode called “The PTA Disbands”, Homer’s wife fills in for Mrs. Crabapple. Bart of course hates having his mom watching over his class, so he connives to resolve the conflict between the staff and the administration.
Doug from King of Queens
An IPS strike leaves the male main character (played by Kevin James) without a job or a paycheck, so he undertakes the task of being a substitute teacher. He quickly finds that life trying to educate high school students can indeed be quite stressful.
Joey Gladstone from Full House
Even a comedian like Danny Tanner’s best friend (played by Dave Coulier) could find little fun in his role as a substitute teacher, which required him to take over Michelle’s class.
Peggy from King of the Hill
The wife of Hank Hill has regular work as a substitute, which in reality might be less stressful than being married to the often recalcitrant propane salesman.
Cameron Tucker from Modern Family
His music position was cut, so Mitchell Pritchett’s mate (played by Eric Stonestreet) was made a substitute teacher in an episode titled “First Days.” He is placed in charge of Alex’s Advanced Placement history class, causing her to be annoyed because he knows nothing about the subject.
Arthur Fonzerelli “Fonzie” from Happy Days
Students trick the Fonz (played by Henry Winkler) into teaching sex ed instead of a lesson on oral hygiene when the cool friend of the Cunninghams takes over a classroom at the high school.
Emily from The Bob Newhart Show
The title psychologist’s wife (played by Suzanne Pleshette) worked as a substitute in the show’s first season, eventually getting promoted to a position as principal.
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